Not Imaginary

Dear Claire Bear,

I thought I should get this post out of the way so you don't get confused later on when I write about people you have never met as if they are close friends. I know I've already spoken to you and daddy about advice given to me by lots of different women. And when you are old enough to read this you'll probably say things like 'Hey Mom, we never knew anyone named Jane Smith, why does this recipe say it's from Jane Smith?" or "Why do you keep saying Jane said this? We don't know a Jane." No, I do not have imaginary friends and I'm not losing my mind (yet...probably). When I am quoting a piece of advice or mentioning someone you've never heard of, I am most likely talking about a fellow mother from an online facebook group that has become a huge part of my (and by association, your) life. Here's the story.


When I was pregnant for the first time I found an online pregnancy community to join. I am a researcher. I can't help myself!  I am that person who googles everything and tries to learn as much as I can about any given topic. You do not even want to know how many hours went into researching cloth diapers! So, I joined the June birth club as that was the month your sister would have been born had I not miscarried. I mainly went on there to ask questions that I didn't necessarily want to ask anyone I knew in person. It was a great place to get honest answers from mothers that had 'been there, done that'. When I miscarried I moved to the grief board on the same website. It was so helpful to be able to 'talk' with other mothers who were going through the same thing. It was also very encouraging to hear from mothers who had miscarried and then gone on to have healthy babies later. I continued on to the trying to conceive board and then finally moved to the December 2010 birth club. Some women made the exact same journey I did. Some I 'met' on the trying to conceive board and others I didn't 'meet' until well into our pregnancies.

As sometimes happens in online communities, there was a small bit of bickering and some differing opinions. It was enough for some people to start thinking about changing things a little. This resulted in the creation of a facebook group and then things got great! I consider the women of the Winter Babies facebook group to be my friends, support system, role models, and shrinks. We marvel at each others babies, commiserate with each others trials and are willing to 'slap a bitch' on the others behalf. The group has also rallied together for some very special moms and baby's in the group who needed some extra good thoughts and support.

I'm am 100% sure that my pregnancy and journey into motherhood would have been a hell of a lot more stressful if I didn't have those special women to 'talk' to. There were days when I was feeling so blue and I would go online and read a funny post and it would be enough to lift me out of my funk. I've found myself completely preoccupied with the struggles of some of these women and their beautiful babies. There's not much of a point to this letter other than to let you know about a group of wonderful, caring, supportive women across the country who have, though I have never met them, been such an influence on me these past months.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mama